Social Skills are important in establishing and maintaining positive interactions with others. These skills are essential for developing relationships with friends, family members, teachers, and coaches. They are also an important part of how we interact with others in general.
For many kids, social skills appear to develop naturally. They seem to be able to make friends easily, understand how to have conversations with other kids and adults, and just seem comfortable in social interactions. For others, it can be a little or a lot more challenging! Teaching social skills can seem overwhelming and complicated because there are so many elements involved. We want to be respectful of individual differences and personalities. It is important that we do not force social interactions. Kids should not be made to feel like they have to act a certain way to be accepted by others. We do want to help kids to know how to navigate the social world in a way that will help them to feel comfortable and to be successful.
Here are a few important social skills that kids need to be socially successful (not in any particular order)
Basic Conversational Skills
Basic is probably not the best word to use to describe conversational skills! Besides just word choice and saying words clearly, we need to understand conversational turn-taking, how to initiate and end a conversation, topic maintenance, listening attentively, and understanding the intent of others. In conversation, we have to know how to code-switch (adjust our language to fit the situation and the other speakers), and how to read non-verbal cues. We have to understand sarcasm, tone of voice, jokes, and figurative language. We even have to use the right vocal volume and tone. For some great lessons on conversational skills, try Conversational Skills – How to Have a Great Conversation.
Perspective Taking
Another important social skill is perspective-taking. In order to be a good conversationalist, and someone that other people like to take to, you need to be good at understanding the perspectives of others. You need to be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and appreciate their feelings in a situation. When taking turns in conversation, a good conversationalist will acknowledge what the other speaker is sharing. When deciding how to act in a situation, we need to be able to see ourselves from the outside. Kids who are good at perspective-taking, tend to share well with others, have strong negotiation skills, and show empathy.
Social Problem Solving
Social problem-solving involves knowing how to behave when things do not go well. This might be knowing how to fix a conversation that is not going well by changing the subject or offering sympathy when someone tells you something upsetting. Problem-solving also includes recognizing when there is a problem. Some students don’t pick up on non-verbal cues from others that a conversation or social interaction is not going well. Social problem-solving also involves understanding when it is best to not say anything in a situation in order to not hurt someone’s feelings. Practice social problem-solving with problem-solving scenarios.
Personal Space/Body Language
These three elements of social skills are connected because they all have to do with the perception of our bodies in space. Kids who struggle socially can lack a sense of when they are standing too close to others, and how their proximity to others might make others feel (tying back to perspective-taking). Kids who have difficulty with social skills often also miss social cues because they don’t assign meaning or misunderstand signals presented through body language and facial expressions. Also, people with strong social skills will often find themselves matching others’ body postures, gestures, and facial expressions in conversation. This often establishes a connection. People with social skill challenges may find this less intuitive. Here are some body language and facial expressions activities.
Working Well with Others
This is a big one and pulls in elements from many of the social skill areas that were already mentioned. When we think about working well with others, this includes things like turn-taking, sharing, compromising, complimenting, encouraging others, empathy, and sportsmanship.
Politeness
Sometimes people disagree with me on this one, but I think it is an important social skill to have. By politeness, I do not mean that kids should always use highly formal, polite terms. This would come across as unnatural and awkward. Rather, I think it is important to teach kids politeness from a framework of code-switching. In other words, if you want to ask someone to do something for you it is best to ask in a particular tone with polite language rather than coming off as demanding. The goal of this is to help kids to understand that they will likely be most successful in particular situations if they use expected language. In activities where we work on politeness, I like to use role-playing and problem-solving scenarios to decide when and how to be polite. This type of activity also lends itself well to perspective-taking and how you might be perceived depending on the type of language you use.
Self-Advocacy and Safety
I worry a lot about my students who have social language challenges in terms of self-advocacy and safety. Some of my students are very impulsive. Others struggle to understand the motives of others. Some of my students do not have the language to advocate for themselves. There are so many issues related to this topic. What should I do if someone reaches out to me on social media and asks a lot of personal questions? What should I do if someone is being mean to me? What is the difference between teasing in a fun way and bullying? Who can I ask for help if I am lost on a field trip? There are many social situations to practice and discuss in this area. Here is a set of social and safety skill discussion cards.
Listening and Following Directions
What does a good listener do in a conversation? How can I help myself to listen well and follow directions in a classroom? How can I tune out other distractions? Why is it important to listen well and follow directions? My popular following directions activities are great for practicing the skill. I also like to have kids brainstorm lists of tips and tricks that they use to help themselves be great listeners.
I hope this list of important social skills is helpful to you. Social skills are a complicated thing to address, but so critically important to all of us.
Visit my TPT store for more great social skills activities.